Putting Together
the Pieces
The
employees and volunteers of the American Tissue Services Foundation
wish to extend our sympathy to you and your family on the death
of your loved one. We understand you have started a journey you
did not ask to begin.
Many
lives were touched by your loved one. This includes not only the
many personal relationships, but also the lives of the patients
who benefit from the precious gift of transplanted tissue.
Our interactive
“Heirlooms” journal is something we offer as a way for
you to memorialize your loved one. Each chapter provides information
about different aspects of grief, resources available to you and
your family, and opportunities to create a legacy. You’ll
also find personal stories and poems from others who have experienced
a death and questions to help you on your journey of healing.
We encourage
you to participate and hope you will join others who have benefitted
from the healing power of this journal. We also suggest enlisting
the assistance of family and friends in remembering individually,
or collectively. This journal can help you capture the essence of
those memories, creating an “heirloom” honoring life
and spirit.
Grief is a
Journey
Bereavement.
Grief. Mourning. These were once familiar yet distant words. Now,
you may hear them often — expressed in sympathy cards and
spoken in conversation. With the death of a loved one, you become
sensitized to their use. Bereavement, grief, and mourning are often
used interchangeably, but they have different meanings.
Bereavement
describes the event of the death and comes from the old English
word berafian, which means to rob. When your loved one died, it
may feel as though the person was stolen from you. When you hear
the words “bereavement program,” “bereaved,”
or “bereft,” it is the way others try to acknowledge
your pain.
Grief
is a normal response to death. It may manifest itself physically,
emotionally, or both. Regardless, your response will be different
from how others experiencing the death of a loved one will respond.
The way you react depends on who died, your past, and how you are
feeling physically and emotionally.
Your
grief may manifest itself with physical symptoms such as low energy,
exhaustion, hyperactivity, or shortness of breath. You might have
many feelings, such as anger, guilt, or depression. At times, you
may even think you are losing your mind. You may have problems remembering,
be confused, or become preoccupied. Life may seem hopeless. You
may not know what to do, how to feel, or who you are.
You may
not recognize how grief affects you and those around you. You may
not want to be around other people, even people you still care about
very much. Your eating and sleeping habits may change. Food may have
no taste. Perhaps you have quit activities or hobbies that you used
to love. Your world has been turned upside down. All of these changes
are normal responses to grief. Typically, there are five stages of
grief:
-
Denial and Isolation
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
-
Acceptance
When
you are bereaved, you not only respond to the death, but you take
actions to deal with it. The actions you take are called mourning.
Mourning is the way you begin to heal. The healing process involves
many steps — taken one at a time. You put the pieces back
together in your own way and in your own time. The first step in
mourning is to acknowledge someone you love has died. You must mourn.
If you do not express your feelings and mourn the death of your
loved one, you may not be able to take other steps to lead you to
your healing.
When
you acknowledge your pain, you are allowing yourself to remember.
Death is a part of life and part of loving someone. As you remember
your loved one, you allow yourself to adapt to life without them.
Your life will never be the same, but the person you loved will
always be part of your memories, heart, and soul. Ever so slowly,
you learn a different way to live. In this new life, we learn to
honor our loved one in quiet ways each day. Perhaps you’ll
discover new beauty in nature, or create a ritual or memorial; maybe
you decide to volunteer to help someone else, or preserve memories
through writing, scrapbooks or journaling. Our “Heirlooms”
journal can assist you and your family in creating memories of your
loved one.
Fingerprints
Your fingerprints
are on my heart.
Even though I never held your hand — you touched me.
Even though I never heard you speak — you taught me.
You taught me about love.
You taught me about caring.
You taught me about courage.
You taught me about faith.
You taught me about happiness.
You taught me about sorrow.
You brought me closer to my loved ones.
You brought me closer to myself.
In the time I cared for you, my how life changed.
Never to be the same again.
Because of you
I know I will somehow be stronger.
Because of you
I know I will be more prepared for life.
All this from tiny fingerprints
that touched my heart.
Because of this
you will live forever in my soul — never to be forgotten.
I will always love you.
You are my child.
© 2001 — Tom Krause
Grief
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